Return to the Castle of the Mad Archmage

We stepped back to the dungeon, having gained about 2,000 XP, putting Rul at over 5,100 XP and a 3rd level fighter. Only 5HP gained, including my CON bonus, but that put me at 21. Yay, an extra +1 to hit as well.

We head down to the 2nd level, having pity on the Cleric and Druid. We head down, and a mouth recites a mocking limerick having to do with pits, ghosts, and hell. 

We’d worry that it was trapped, but since there’s no number on the floor, we know we’re safe. Ah, old-school metagaming at its finest.

We head down a corridor, see spikes protruding from the walls, and head the other way. We move down a curved corridor instead, because the curves call out to +Peter V. Dell’Orto. I guess Mirado likes curves. We usually go left, and continue that, moving into the room.

Lots of fungus. Great. And the sound of reverberating crickets. Very large crickets. They’re eating fungus off the walls. Rul claims he disbelieves the crickets, because no one believes in giant crickets, really.

Naturally, Mirado attacks. Whiff. I hit one with an arrow, which falls. We all get attacked a bit. Peter gets hit for 4 HP, and that’s about it.  They win initiative and hit Rul for only 2HP, and Roll20 is streaky with the 1s again. Tim, of course, gets hit for 3HP.

The hirelings are cringing in the back, the pansies. Mirado hits, Alisha crits and kills one. Super-Tim ( +Tim Shorts ) hits with his dagger, and managed 4 HP, rolling another 1 (this time on 1d4).

The fighters suck, and show that they’re really not concentrating. I mean, who takes crickets seriously. Alisha the druid puts them all to sleep. Then two megalocentipedes enter just in time to also be put to sleep by Alisha’s spell. Mirado uses his evil sword to kill all the crickets and centipedes, in order to gain HP back. Hey, evil sword.

[We discuss driving in New York City for a while. Not sure why. But hey, New Yawk.]

We keep going east, and look, more fungus. The fighters guard the room, as we fruitlessly search for anything of interest or value, finding nothing. We discuss if we pass the evil sword around killing wounded, if we can use it as a moveable healing potion. We’re bad, bad people.

We head through a four-foot tall door instead, after opening it with a crowbar. The highest HP figher gets to open the chest we find in the middle of the room. Peter starts with the crowbar, and inside we find

• 2016 sp
• Full suit of human-sized plate armor

Peter takes the plate armor (AC +7), gives his plate mail to Tim (+6), and our poor Druid continues to go nekkid. Rul has his +1 banded mail (+6) and keeps it.

We finally head to the curvy area, and find the floor labeled “slope down 5%” so we decide that one of our hirelings has dwarven blood. Or can read. Your call. Either that or one of us has a marble. Guess we need a player-only map, eh?

We continue and miss the giant “to level 3” sign on the wall, so we look around the corner to see if there’s anything cool. Some of us (Rul) argue that the treasure would be even cooler on level 3. I mean, hey – plate armor. 

We go down the slope for a bit, looking for a fight. We don’t find one immediately, so we got a puzzle room with a bunch of keys in it. I take the right key, and it works. so I avoid 4d6 damage. We argue whether making players do math in the middle of the dungeon is cool or not. They decide that no, it’s not.

Inside the room, there are three chests and a wardrobe. We decide that there’s probably a dick-ass trap after the puzzle room. So we spend a lot of time with no thief looking for, and, drag the hirelings into the room. We have them stand and watch.

Mirado opens the first chest, and finds lots of gold pieces.

• 3045gp

The second chest requires a saving throw, which Mirado fails, getting nailed with a giant bear-trap of doom. In it is 

• 10,000 cp. 100gp and 100 lbs. Dude, 100lbs of dead weight.

+Michael Garcia was really sleepy, and headed off. Alas.

Rul opens the third box, gets zapped for half damage, and takes 7 HP. Inside we find 

• 6,050sp and 
• a shortsword. 

Minister Tim pees on it to find out if it’s magical.

We still have the wardrobe to open. We try and tie rope around the handle, but cleverness does not help avoid Save vs Death – but Mirado saves. yay.

• One leather cloak

Seriously. Just a cloak? It better be awesome.

We don’t push our luck. Any more “save or die” would likely leave us in the “dead” column, and we’ve already pushed pretty far. We head back up to level 2 in order to, you know, not die.

We find another door, kick it open, and . . . we are not surprised by the bad guys, surprising them in turn. It’s a room full of orcs, playing cards. Peter kills four in one moment of fury. Our Minister most sinister rolls an 18, to hit, and kills the fifth one, earning a cleave. He rolls a one, of course. Tim . . . he’s back, he’s bad, he’s black, he’s mad. Not a bad surprise round.

The last orc pulls out a spear. Rul kills him. We hear from the west, metal clanking, chairs falling over. Mirado takes out a flask of oil, Rul readies his bow. “Billy! You guys OK in there?” Mirado speaks in bad orcish “Come in here and help us!” 

Mirado Solo. Boring conversation anyway.

We loot the bodies. We rack up

• 54 ep

We head on up, and find . . . a group of four troglodytes. Rul blows his roll and they win initiative. Mirado hits one for 4 HP, but they’re not that scrawny. The priest casts Sleep, and a whole lot of trogs, plus reinforcements, fall asleep. We took out 7 trogs. They have no treasure. Mirado stabs five of them for HP gain. We try and bogart the sword. We fail.